A Little Bit Brave

|| "So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him, crying out, 'Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!'" -John 12:13 || When I prayed, I just wanted the problem to go away. I wanted God to fix the situation. I wanted things to go back to how they were. I prayed for months, but things just got gradually worse until things couldn't get any worse. Never had I wanted something so bad. Never had a loss wrecked me so bad. Sometimes I couldn't sleep over it. Any time I thought I would finally be okay, it would come around and hit me again. Why didn't God just take it away? When Israel prayed for a messiah, they wanted a king. They wanted a leader who would take away their sicknesses and oppression.  For hundreds of years, Israel begged God for a savior. When He came, they welcomed Him to Jerusalem with praise. The called Him king. Rightfully so. They believed He would take away their stru...

Whenever the subject of broken families is brought up at my youth group, I get overwhelmed. I go to two youth groups, and within both of those I know that there are students there my age whose parents are divorced or split up. I can't imagine the way that feels, the hurt that brings. But I know that too many people are in the same situation. Whenever I think too long about the hurts the people in my life are experiencing on a daily basis, I get overwhelmed. At church, at youth, at speech and debate. We walk around, acting like we're 'all right.' We carry shields so others don't see the struggle. No matter what's going on. No matter how bad it hurts. It seems safer to hold up the shields than face rejection and judgement. Sometimes I start researching. I start researching the crappy things in the world that are accepted in the mainstream. Abortion. Pornography. Sometimes I just come across crap. Objectification. Hatred. There's so much crap in the wor...

There are moments when I realize I've slipped away. I've stopped reading my bible every day. I've stopped praying intentionally. I haven't been to church in a week or two or three. I keep telling myself I'll get around to praying, around to reading. But another distraction, another obligation moves to the front of the line. I'll read a chapter in the Bible, then forget what I read an hour later. I'll forget to pray until right as I'm going to bed, and then I fall asleep. Small things, biting away at my relationship with God. I want to wait until I have time to really catch up on my reading, or really pray for everything I need to. Then I spend way too much time on Twitter, or watching TV, or listening to Tori Kelly. I end up frustrated with myself. I crave connection with God, but block it at the same time.  A week will go by, and then another. And I get more and more frustrated with myself. The more time that goes by, the more ti...