Where I'm Standing
||"You are your own definition of beautiful." -Taylor Swift||
It seems like almost every Christian blogger is obsessed with coffee. Maybe it's just me, but between "About Me" pages and Twitter descriptions, the phrase "coffee-lover" is everywhere. It's not just bloggers. It's other teenagers in general. It's on t-shirts and Pinterest boards and giftcards because you couldn't think of something personal to get someone.
I don't drink coffee. I don't like coffee. I just don't.
I have a hard time finding blogs written by other Christian teenagers. When I'm looking at Twitter accounts it's always like, "Christian blogger, mother of like 5 amazing kids I lost track because I have enough love for 20 of them." I've never even changed a diaper.
I find a lot of blogs written by college students. Those are a little closer. Still, I don't spend my days studying for finals that will determine my future, buying overpriced textbooks, or pulling all-nighters (I did that once and it was stupid).
College and children and coffee. Three things I just don't relate to. That doesn't mean I get nothing from these women. I love reading those blogs and I do learn from them.
I had this idea in my head for the longest time that being a teenager meant that I was unqualified to blog about my life. I was too young, too small, too quiet. No one would hear me.
The truth is that I was afraid. I was afraid people would look at my little blog posts and ignore me. Honestly, I'm still afraid. I'm afraid people won't read my words, and I'm afraid they will.
One of the keys to writing well is knowing your audience. Before now, I just had this vague idea that I was writing for "Christian teenagers, but also people who are older, and like middle schoolers too, but mostly high school girls and then whoever else." I think, though, I'm writing to myself. I write to people who were raised in the church, who would like to think they have all the answers, who have heard the word "grace" a thousand times, but don't know what it means, who can't figure out the balance between confidence and pride, who hide the pain and brokenness, who don't feel like they've ever done anything really brave, who feel small. I write for the good girl who doesn't feel good enough. I write for the girl who looks like everything and feels like nothing. I write for the boy who looks like he has it all together, but is falling apart inside.
I stand where I am. I am not who I was two years or one year ago. I am not who I will be in a year. I am not a mommy-blogger, a college student drowning in textbooks, I don't drink coffee. I'm me, and maybe that's what the world needs. The world needs you, too. Not a copy of someone else, you. Your ideas, your heart, your passion. Don't you dare wish you were someone else, because I need you too. God made you to be you for a reason. Your life has reason because it is a life.
Stand where you are. Don't rush to "catch up" to the people you think have it all. Be who God made you to are. Don't pretend to be someone that you're not. Your story is yours. Own it, tell it, give it.
I don't like coffee, and that's what's up.