A Little Bit Brave

live recording of poem. last year,  I  got the pleasure of coming to inspired poet, and I heard a poet speak. and one of the things that she said was that we need to use our voices even if we ’ re afraid and even if it ’ s just a whisper. and I have a friend and mentor who has told me that  I  have something to say. and in our first session, my counselor told me, he reminded me that nobody has everything together. these are the things I want to tell you. and this is my whisper. ________________________________ here is the finished product on fluorescent light display you can see all the right brushstrokes from behind a measured line put on a platform because this is finished, i swear it is perfect         perfect         perfect a masterpiece on display because i know all the right places to hide. it is easier to hide. it is safer to  hide behind layers of dishonest truth i am okay          okay          okay a lie told often enough becomes the paint i brush

Perfectionist is not a word I would have used to describe myself. Maybe that’s what should’ve told me that was exactly what I was. You see, I knew that I wasn’t called or supposed or able to be perfect. So, I denied that that was what I was striving for. I wanted excellence in everything, I wanted to make the most of my college education, I wanted to have it all in its exact place. Perfection is easy when you can hide, when you can locate the nearest exit. If you say just the right thing, you can lie while telling the truth. At the very least, you can talk about hard parts, the weak spots, and the pain in a way that makes it seem like you’re walking out of it and don’t need any help. I didn’t want to be weak . I spent this semester feeling weaker than ever. I kept writing fiction and poetry because it’s easier to hide behind the words of a character, easier to hide behind metaphor than actually say concrete words for myself. In real life, I mumbled because I couldn’t believe

Listen. How deep the Father's love for us How vast beyond all measure That He should give His only Son To make a wretch His treasure Four-hundred years of silence. The Jewish people went through wars and conquests and bondage. They struggled to understand the purpose of the Law. They struggled to see God in the waiting. And here, there’s you. You see hard years and strife-filled families. You live wondering when things are going to get better. You fight the same battles, the same shame, sin, and scars. You struggle to see God in the waiting. They held to a promise. Pages of prophecy paving the path of the Messiah, the Anointed One, the Savior. And with angel’s word and sheep’s bleating, He came.  The fullest expression of God, born under a tyrant king and legalistic religious rule. How great the pain of searing loss The Father turns His face away As wounds which mar the Chosen One Bring many sons to glory Thirty year